EnJOY the following first person posting by Serge Bielanko which was originally posted on:
Please keep in mind though Serge speaks to marriages, the following DOes apply to any relationships wherein a conscious commitment to pARTicipate therein exists. Obviously, there are certain ranges of emotions that may BE interplayed, for example, you may not be “in love” with your boss or your job but at one time, you did “like” or “respect” either or both.
Once again, enJOY*
I have been married eight years next week. That’s not too shabby, really. Especially when you consider that in all of that time I have only really been “officially” kicked out of the house for one stretch, and that was only for like ten days. And eight-years-minus-ten-days still puts me in the “successful marriage” camp the last time I bothered to check out the definitions and all. Still, I’m no expert. But then again, who is, right?
The truth is, those of us who are married are mostly shape-shifters, perpetually changing at warp speed, always two steps behind on a lot of important stuff, but usually out in front for a thing or two, as well.
Marriage is madness.
Not in some kind of dysfunctional traumatic way, so to speak, but more in that it is a long and often grinding road that maintains that we keep on keeping on or just get the hell out of the way. Even marriages that have suffered somehow and are “on a break” are never really on a break. Once you hit the gas, say “I do,” and aim that thing toward the setting sun, there really is no pause button. And that can make things tough sometimes. And “interesting” the rest of the time.
Anyways, not being an expert and all, I decided that right now, the best thing I could maybe offer other married people, or people who are fixing to get married, wouldn’t be a book or anything like that. Instead, I’m just going to go ahead and write down my own list of things to remember when marriage gets tough. Some of it you might already realize. Hell, some of it you might have invented on your own! But still, there’s bound to be a few things that come in handy. Maybe it’ll make you smile or keep you from saying something you’ll later regret.
1. You were in love once. That’s why you got married, dummy. So you’re probably still in love. Remember that.
2. Money is more important than some things in a marriage and less important than others. You pick which ones.
3. No one else is married to you. It’s just him or her. That says A LOT.
4. Romance is nice. Patience is nicer.
5. Some marriages are perfect. Yours is not one of them. Deal with it.
6. When questioning your marriage, you should be questioning a lot of other things first.
7. No one cares more about your marriage more than you two.
8. Living with the person you love can suck sometimes. Put your grown-up pants on.
9. Long periods of confusion mean you’re not saying enough.
10. Remember that exact moment when you both just knew it was the real deal. Well, guess what? It’s still happening.
- By Serge Bielanko